In many cultures, there have been expressions of both the sacred masculine as well as the sacred feminine. For instance, the well-known yin-yang symbol beautifully expresses the balance and harmony of masculine and feminine. Often, we in the West do not conceive of these qualities as sacred, yet we can heal and love ourselves more fully when we do conceive of these qualities, both feminine and masculine, as sacred, and as part of the sacredness of Creation, or the Universe.
Yet, in Native American traditions we hear references to Father Sky and Mother Earth. In Hindu traditions, there is reverence both for the Divine Father and for the Divine Mother. In a long-lost (or perhaps well-hidden) gospel, The Essene Gospel of Peace, Jesus Christ referred to "our Heavenly Father" and "our Earthly Mother."
Each of us has feminine and masculine qualities within us, both the sacred maternal aspects and the sacred paternal qualities. In Genesis, we are told that God created both male and female in God's image, and Biblical scholar Phyllis Trible points out in one of her books that the structure of the Hebrew phrases in this section form a chiastic structure, which literarily emphasizes that both male and female are required in order to image God fully.
Why do I bring this up when writing about learning to love ourselves? Because, in our essence, we are divinity, both sacred masculine and feminine, ideally balanced and harmonized within us. That's what this Genesis text refers to on a deeper, more mystical level, that being created in God's image means being balanced and harmonized with both the sacred feminine and masculine qualities and energies within us. In order to love ourselves, we need to know where we are headed, so we can become aware of where we fall short.
I believe that our true foundation for self-worth is believing that, as the Judeo-Christian tradition expresses it, we are created in the image of God. Or, as might be expressed in other religious traditions, we are incarnations of the Divine Father and/or Divine Mother. Or, we are souls who come from our Divine Source, and who ultimately return to, or become One with our Divine Source.
In the meantime, we need to understand that, if the love from our earthly parents fell short of empowering us to learn to love ourselves when we were young, we need to take on that parental role of loving ourselves. This is the divine task - what our Divine Source does, so we also need to love ourselves as our own inner father/self and mother/self.
That inner parent within us, (yes, I'm writing redundantly on purpose) is what we need to discover and to develop so that we will love ourselves with all the force of Divine Love - the kind of love which God, or our Divine Mother and Divine Father hold for us.
When we can love ourselves as we might wish our parents had loved us, we can heal. For some of us, this might be difficult. We might still feel uncomfortable loving ourselves, or we might not know how to love the way a loving father or mother loves - unconditionally, supportively, and affectionately.
For me, it was not until I had raised my own daughter and son for a few years, and was studying theology at Vanderbilt Divinity School, that I began to learn how to do this. First, I learned at Vanderbilt that because our parents represent "who God is" to us in our early years, how our parents treat us becomes subconsciously the way we learn to believe that God treats us (or, how the Universe treats us). Next, I realized, because of the emphasis on feminist theology at Vanderbilt, that a lot of us have issues with seeing God as a mother in part because of how we experience or experienced our own mothers. Finally, I realized that I loved my own two children so much, that I could not imagine anyone or anything more precious to me than they are.
When I realized that the love I have for my children is the kind of love that God feels and has for all of us, I realized that some of that love for myself was missing, and I needed to learn to feel loved, and to love myself, the way I love my own children.
If you do not have children, I invite you to start loving yourself the way you wish your parents (or whoever raised you) had loved you. Imagine yourself fully accepted, just as you are, warmly embraced, touched lovingly, adored for your delightful soul, delighted in for who you are, encouraged for who you can become, and supported in all you seek to accomplish. Unconditional, all-embracing, warm loving feelings filling your whole being - that's how the Divine Father and Divine Mother love you.
If nothing else, hug yourself - yes, literally! Feel the love that you can remember from anyone or any occasion, no matter how slight or lukewarm that feeling of love was, even if it was the comfort of hugging your own teddy bear! Take a deep breath, sigh out through your mouth, and feel loved!
Love from the Divine Mother and Divine Father feels serene, calming, and peaceful. It feels comforting.
If you still haven't gotten the feeling yet, there are some yoga-style exercises you can do to help get yourself there. Perhaps this calls for a youtube video to demonstrate...please feel free to request that! In the meantime, try cradling your own head, either in your arms, or by placing your hands on the sides of your head and cupping your ears. Feel loved and supported. Think positive affirmations such as: I love myself. I deserve to be loved. Or, the famous Louise Hay line: "I love and accept myself." (I believe that's from her book, "You Can Heal Your Life.")
You are lovable. You are loved - all the time. This great, big Universe is an expression of the love of the Divine Mother/Father, and you are a wonderful, yes, delightful part of this beloved Universe. So why not love yourself because you are just as wonderful as can be. If you could have been any better, you would have been. If you could be any better, you will be. Right now, you are lovable just as you are!
May the love and light of our Divine Father/Mother grow within you,
Carol
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